Raw. Unfiltered. Brunt. Crude. Primal. Wild.

Scattered. Misdirected. Chaotic.

I dilly-dally in between these two perspectives. I'm sure everyone has those days where they feel cooped up in their lives because of their job, their home, their aspirations. But it's so hard to know what's missing, or how to fix it. In the end, you just want to burst, to explode.

Sometimes it feels like the first list. This usually feels good. Like there's something basal to your existent that you feel needs to escape and be heard and proclaimed. This is a great feeling leading into a race. I think I desire the right to test my raw instincts and see how far my inner strength can take me.

The second list is similar to the first, but it really describes when you have no clue what's bugging you. Or like me, you know you have actual work that could benefit from some of the drive, but you just can't bring yourself to channel it. And thus the energy feels like it's being directed nowhere, and nothing gets accomplished.

A similar idea makes me think about these blog entries; the idea of artistic. Sometimes, I want these to be very polished. I go back and moderate my entry, so if you see something written here, it isn't done so completely uninhibited or un-moderated. Should I moderate it? I mean, there's personal stuff but that can be public. But so am I just looking for an outlet for my thoughts and experiences? And therefore should this be more raw? Am I looking to produce quality pieces; something artsy? But is true art the unadulterated, primal expressions or is it carefully cultivated and refined beauty?

I'm probably just thinking too much.

It's been a good week of more mileage. 2ish hours at Carolina North this morning. I'm either going to have to get a GPS watch or adjust my trail runs to strictly by time.

I'm getting used to eating a lot of legumes and tofu. When I've experimented before, I decided the diet wasn't for me because you ended up eating the same thing all the time. This time I'm realizing I ate the same thing (PB, cottage cheese, chicken) all the time anyways, now it's just a different thing (beans, tofu, nuts, hummus). There are a couple of flavor additives that have helped and I like a lot: 1) cocoa powder is great with smoothies and oatmeal, especially with bananas it taste like ice cream and 2) salsa - this boost pretty much any salad or dinner item.

However: 1) Dried plums (prunes) are thumbs down. 2) Frozen strawberries aren't that sweet so no-go. 3) I used my avocado in my salads, but it's just hard to use it enough to not end up wasting 1/3-1/2 of it.

I'm terribly excited for next weekend.

Soundtrack:
"Let it Out" by Pillar
"High of 75" by Relient K